As a group of Cincinnati therapist for teens, we’ve seen firsthand how these toxic ideologies can take root and affect a young person’s relationships, self-worth, and emotional health. Throughout our practice, we've observed concerning trends in how online communities can shape teenage worldviews—sometimes in harmful ways.
You've probably heard the term "incel" mentioned in news stories or maybe even by your own teenager. If you're scratching your head wondering what exactly this is and why you should care, you're not alone. The short answer? It's a mindset that's drawing in more and more young people, especially boys, and it can fundamentally alter how they view relationships, themselves, and their future.
Even if your teen seems happy and doesn’t talk much about relationships, it’s still important to know about incel culture and discuss it with them. I’ll explain more about that later on.
Throughout this post, I'm focusing on practical approaches you can use tonight at dinner or during your next car ride together. Not theoretical concepts, but real-world strategies from someone who talks with teens about these exact issues every day. Let's get started.
What is Incel Culture?
"Incel" is short for "involuntary celibate," a term that has evolved from its original meaning to describe an online subculture predominantly consisting of young men who define themselves by their inability to form romantic or sexual relationships. While the term itself might seem straightforward, the ideology that has developed around it often encompasses harmful attitudes toward women, other men, and society at large.
So what's this worldview really about? In plain terms, incel thinking boils down to "the dating world is unfair and there's nothing I can do about it." These young men believe that how you look and your social status basically determine your entire dating life. If you weren't born with the "right" features or popularity, you're just out of luck. There's no room for personal growth, improving social skills, or developing as a person. This kind of thinking typically leads to a lot of anger—usually directed at women who they feel have rejected them and at guys who seem to have dating success.
Why Do Teens Fall For This?
Think about it—adolescence is already a perfect storm of insecurities, painful rejections, and trying to figure out who you are. When your teenager is struggling to make friends, gets turned down for prom, or feels like an outsider, these online communities offer a simple explanation: "It's not your fault—the system is rigged against you." For a kid dealing with the messy, confusing world of high school social life, there's something comforting about an explanation that puts the blame elsewhere. These communities give them a language for their frustration and a group that seems to understand what they're going through, even if the worldview they're adopting is ultimately harmful.
I'm not going to overwhelm you with a dictionary of strange internet terms your teen might be using. What's more important is recognizing when your son or daughter starts expressing ideas that blame others for their social challenges or seeing relationships as something that's rigged against them. These attitudes are the real red flags, and they'll show up in how they talk about school, friends, dating, and their future.
Is my Teenager Becoming an Incel? Warning Signs Parents Should Watch For
Let's talk about what to actually look for in your teen's behavior. Most teenagers go through phases of frustration with dating and relationships—that's completely normal. The difference here is when those frustrations harden into a rigid worldview that blames others and denies any possibility of personal growth.
Keep an eye out for changes in how your teen talks about dating and relationships. Have they started using unusual terminology, such as terms like "normies" (regular people), references to being "blackpilled" (embracing hopelessness about dating), or comments about "Chads" and "Stacys" (stereotypical attractive people)?
Are they speaking with sudden cynicism about the opposite sex? You might hear generalizations like "all girls only want guys who look like models" or "there's no point in trying because the system is rigged." These black-and-white statements should raise a yellow flag—not for panic, but for closer attention.
Notice their online behavior too. If your formerly social kid is now spending hours alone online and seems angrier afterward, that pattern matters.
Remember, one or two of these signs doesn't mean your child has fallen down the incel rabbit hole. Teenagers try on different perspectives like they try on clothes. What you're watching for is a pattern of increasingly rigid thinking combined with growing resentment and isolation. If you notice a pattern, it might be time to consider teen therapy in Cincinnati as a way to explore what’s going on beneath the surface. Working with a therapist can help your teen feel heard and supported, while also helping you as a parent understand how best to respond.
Why Teens Need Context for This Cultural Phenomenon
Here's the reality: incel ideology isn't just hiding in obscure corners of the internet anymore. Your teen has almost certainly encountered these concepts already, whether or not they're using the terminology or listening to people who talk about incel culture.
Even if your son or daughter seems to have healthy attitudes about relationships, they need your help processing what they're hearing. They need context. When a classmate casually drops incel talking points like "it's all about looks" or "some guys just can't win," does your teen have the tools to examine these claims? Or will they absorb these ideas unchallenged?
This isn't about scaring your teen or making them hyperaware of extremism. It's about equipping them with perspective when they inevitably encounter these viewpoints. A simple conversation that acknowledges "Hey, there's this mindset out there that suggests dating success is predetermined by factors you can't control—what do you think about that?" can open the door to discussing healthier frameworks for understanding relationships.
How to Talk to My Son About Incels: A Parent’s Guide
If you’ve searched for how to talk to your son about incels, you’re not alone. Many parents feel unsure of how to bring up such a complex and emotionally charged topic. First, let’s address how to talk to your son about this, and then we will review how to discuss this with your daughter.
Your best bet is to look for natural openings in your day-to-day interactions. Maybe you're driving together and have a captive audience, or perhaps you're both relaxed after dinner. These low-pressure moments create space for meaningful exchanges without feeling like an interrogation.
Current events or media can be your best allies here. If you come across a news story or show that touches on related themes, you might say something like, "I was reading about this online community today. What do you know about incels?" Their response will tell you a lot about their familiarity with the topic and give you a starting point.
When you do express concerns, keep them age-appropriate and measured. Saying "I've noticed you seem frustrated about dating lately—that's totally normal, but I'm curious about where you're getting your ideas from" acknowledges their feelings while opening a door to deeper conversation.
Remember that your goal isn't to win an argument or even to change their mind in a single conversation. You're planting seeds of critical thinking and letting them know you're a safe person to talk to about complicated topics. These conversations happen over time, not in one sit-down lecture. Keep the door open, stay curious, and be patient—it's a marathon, not a sprint.
Talking to Your Daughter About Incel Culture
While incel ideology primarily attracts young men, your daughter needs to understand this phenomenon too. She's growing up in a world where these ideas exist, and she may encounter them directly through social media, in comments sections, or even from classmates who are repeating these viewpoints.
Start by helping her recognize these perspectives when she sees them. "Have you ever noticed comments online where guys blame women for their dating problems?" This opens the door for her to share what she's already observed. You might be surprised by how much she's already been exposed to.
Be direct about the potential impact on her. Your daughter might question whether she's really "supposed" to be only attracted to certain types of guys, or whether her worth is primarily tied to her appearance. Make it clear that no one is entitled to another person's romantic interest, and she never needs to feel guilty for not being interested in someone.
Help her understand that behind angry rhetoric is often genuine pain—without excusing harmful attitudes. Give her tools to establish healthy boundaries, both online and in person. Discuss how she can disengage from toxic conversations, block accounts that promote harmful content, and recognize when someone's perspective on relationships raises red flags.
Perhaps most importantly, strengthen her sense of agency. Incel ideology often frames women as lacking individual preferences or depth—making choices based solely on superficial factors. Counter this by affirming her right to choose partners based on her own genuine preferences, values, and connections.
When to Seek Professional Help
Let's talk about when it's time to bring in professional support. As parents, we want to handle everything ourselves, but sometimes our teens need additional resources—and that's completely okay.
First, pay close attention to the intensity and rigidity of their beliefs. There's a big difference between a teen who occasionally makes cynical comments about dating and one who has developed an unwavering worldview that relationships are predetermined by genetics and there's no point in trying. When these beliefs become resistant to any discussion or alternative viewpoints, it may be time for professional support.
Look for signs of deepening resentment or hostility, particularly toward women. If your teen's frustration is evolving into expressions of genuine anger, contempt, or dehumanizing language about girls or women, this indicates a concerning progression that needs addressing. Comments that normalize or justify violence or harassment, even if framed as "jokes," are serious red flags.
How to Bring Up Therapy
When you decide to seek help, frame therapy as a resource rather than a punishment. You might say, "I've noticed you seem to be struggling with some pretty intense feelings about relationships. I'd like us to talk with someone who can offer a perspective neither of us has." Approach it as something you're doing together to navigate a challenging time, not something being done to them.
When your teen is ready to talk, our licensed therapists are here to help. We specialize in teen mental health, including the emotional impact of online culture and ideologies like incel thinking. Schedule a free consultation today—we’d be honored to support your family.